Who Says You Shouldn’t Love Yourself?

Good Self Esteem is the single most important factor in achieving anything in life.  Why?  Because, if we don’t have that belief in ourselves – that feeling that we will achieve our goals, that we will do the things we want to do in life – we will stop ourselves, we will effectively ‘shoot ourselves in the foot’.

Why would we do that?  Why would we stop ourselves from getting the things we really want?  Because deep down we don’t feel we deserve it.  

Let’s call Self Esteem what it really is.  It’s Self Love.  In our society, we have this negative feeling towards Self Love. We will hear people say in a derogatory way – “You love yourself, don’t you?” as though it is something to be ashamed of.

The truth is, unless we love ourselves unless we have good Self Esteem, we won’t let ourselves get what we really want out of life.

• There’s a very important point here.  We all have a ‘self-image’.  If we have an image of ourselves as an achiever, someone who succeeds in what they set out to do, then we will achieve no matter what obstacles are thrown in front of us. If we have a self-image of ourselves as a failure, we will fail no matter what opportunities come our way.

• We all have ‘comfort zones’.  That means we will allow ourselves to have only as much as we think we are worth.  And if good fortune comes our way, if we don’t think we are worth that good fortune, we will do everything in our power to stop it from happening. One of the greatest things we can do for our wellbeing is to raise our Self Esteem; to help ourselves believe that we are worth everything that we desire in life.

• Good Self Esteem has a ‘quiet OK-ness’, a humility, an inner strength, an acceptance of self. Those people who are boastful, who repeatedly tell us how good they are, actually have low self-esteem.  They are basically saying, “If I tell you enough good things about me, maybe you’ll believe them because I sure don’t”.

• Remember, there is a Universal law – what we put out comes back.  So if we are finding we are a doormat – everyone is walking all over us – check out what we are ‘putting out’.  People will react to us according to the signals we are giving.  Are people reading us as someone who doesn’t feel very good about themselves?  Our body language is probably giving us away. Or maybe we are always getting into fights with people.  Are we covered in claw marks and tooth marks because of our aggressive behaviour?  Again, look at what we are putting out. If we want to raise our Self Esteem, we should start acting like a person who feels good about themselves. (When we act in a particular way, our feelings will follow – yes, ‘fake it till you make it’, it can really work). People with good Self Esteem walk tall – start to do the same.  

• Words are very powerful.  Be aware of our self-talk – that constant chatter that goes on inside our head and is often very negative. If we are always putting ourselves down and our thoughts are negative we are guaranteed to have low Self Esteem. We can ‘stand guard over our mouths’ – and never put ourselves down – even in jest.

• Associate with people who have good Self Esteem and we’ll find their positive attitude will rub off. Every one of us was born with wonderful Self Esteem.  All we have to do is take a look at newborn babies and see what great Self Esteem they have. While our parents taught us some really good positive life skills, we also learned negative things at an early age and, for the most part, we continue to live in a very negative society that has left us with some not-so-helpful patterns.

Check out Bert Weir’s book “You Were Born Special Beautiful and Wonderful – What Happened?’ for an insight into why we grew up feeling inadequate and put down, and why we do what we do. 

My “Workbook for Life” is full of practical tools for effective living; a step-by-step guide to help you achieve what you want out of life.