Has Your Anger Button Been Pushed Lately?

Expressing our Anger can have a devastating effect on the lives of everyone involved.  Anger is neither good nor bad.  Anger is merely a front or a symptom for something that is going on in the background.

When we get angry it’s because something has happened that has pushed a button.  That button is either a past hurt or an insecurity we are carrying as a result of something that has occurred previously.  

No one ‘makes us angry’ – we do it all by ourselves. Often, when we are growing up, we are not taught to own our reactions, hence you will hear people say, “He/She made me so angry/hurt/upset/look foolish.”

We are never upset or angry for the reason we think.  It is not other people or situations that cause us to be angry or distressed.  It is our own attitudes, underlying thoughts and past experiences that have taught us to react in an adverse way. Whatever has happened has pushed that insecure ‘hot button’.

The feelings that anger commonly masks include fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, embarrassment, betrayal, jealousy, sadness, hurt, worry, etc.

Expressed Anger can often have a negative effect in a social sense.  The actions we take as a result of our feeling angry mean we can very often create further feelings of hurt – for all parties concerned.  Unless we recognise what is going on, this can become a repeated cycle resulting in continued negative behaviour that can lead to the breakdown of relationships and feelings of resentment.

On the other hand, Repressed Anger can have a devastating effect on our physical bodies.  When we internalise our Anger we feel under threat and we trigger the Fight/Flight syndrome often resulting in continued stress that may manifest in physical illness.

Either way, we can have problems! What to do?

• We cannot always control our feelings and emotions.  (But we can always control what we say!) When Anger strikes, step back, and say to yourself “Why am I angry?”  If you are honest with yourself you will recognise it is not because someone has ‘done something’ to you or something has occurred to make you angry.  The honest answer to your question will be something like, “I’m feeling insecure”, “I’m feeling overwhelmed”, “I’m not coping”, “I really can’t handle this”, “I’m feeling put down”, “This is something that I’ve had to deal with before…” or perhaps you’re not well, or your Self Esteem is low and you are feeling under attack.  

• Recognise that our feelings are not necessarily coming from “what has just happened”.  They are coming from our perception, our attitude, our belief – our unique past experiences. Those factors are the triggers for our angry reaction.

• Remember, we don’t see ‘things’ as they are; we see ‘things’ as we are.  Meaning, every perception we have is through our filtered view of life.  It is not what is happening in our day to day world that is affecting us, it is our perception which is a result of our training, our experiences, and our ongoing view of how things happen.  Recognise that everyone may be going through the same experience, but each person has their own unique perception because of their training, their experiences and their ‘coloured’ view of a situation.

• Each of us has an Attitude to what is happening to us.  That Attitude is a belief system that has been built up over years of our experiences.  

Now…you can read and take on board all of the above….but you still get angry! 

Here’s the good news!  Your Attitude is something over which you have absolute control.  Attitude is something you can change – at any time.

Remember, it’s not what happens to us in life – it’s how we deal with it, how we handle it, and indeed, how we have learned to handle it.

One of the techniques taught in The Centre Within course is learning how to effectively disconnect those ‘hot buttons’. You choose how you wish to react, rather than reacting with anger. It is an easy and effective technique that has helped countless people to change what has become an automatic reaction.