DRAWING THE LINE POLITELY
Setting healthy boundaries is a must in our list of social skills but it is a practice that is not necessarily given the importance it deserves.
These are the limits we place on our time, our energy, our health and well being etc. Verbalising these boundaries is very empowering, maintaining our resilience and ensuring protection from being used, manipulated or utterly drained of energy.
In all of our relationships, with family, friends, colleagues and even strangers, healthy boundaries means communicating to others what we will and will not tolerate.
Interestingly, people who do set firm boundaries usually have good Self Esteem. They are very aware of keeping their well-being in check and, in the process, maintain lower stress levels.
Healthy boundaries means valuing our time and energy, our mental well being, our morals and ethics etc. It also means taking on only those responsibilities we feel we can handle without overcommitting ourselves. And feeling good in the process, knowing that it is OK to say ‘No’.
On the other hand, those with poor boundaries can wind up angry and frustrated leading to resentment. Continued resentment can put our body through Fight/Flight resulting in throwing our whole being way out of kilter.
Those without any boundaries at all often find themselves being manipulated or coerced, doing things they really don’t want to do, whether that be out of feelings of obligation or guilt.
There is another important point here. When we are not communicating clear, firm boundaries we can be doing the other person a major disservice. By not being decisive, we can leave the other person questioning our position.
Healthy boundaries have their roots in clear communication, hence our firm stated boundaries are more likely to be given greater respect.
Some suggestions to keep us in check…
- Is there some area that is causing us stress or, at least, a major discomfort?
- Are there areas in our life where we feel totally exhausted and drained of energy?
- Maybe there are areas in our lives where we don’t feel supported or valued?
- Is there some part of our daily or weekly life that we absolutely dread?
- Are there specific people we deal with who we find particularly difficult to handle?
We are all faced with questions like this at some time in our personal or working lives.
On paper with pen in hand write those things that make you feel good…such as…
- Kind words from friends, partner, workmates.
- Spending time with those who make us laugh.
- Feeling we have control over our life.
- Leaving ‘work’ behind us and enjoying leisure.
- Taking our dog for a walk in the park.
- Knowing we are winning most of the time.
- Treasuring our time with close friends and family.
…so we can decide the areas that we value and feel good about and those areas where we need to set some boundaries.
Often we set boundaries in our minds but don’t necessarily communicate them to the people in question. Maybe it’s time to ‘bite the bullet’, scary though it may be. It can be daunting but it is so worth it, feeling relief when we’ve said our piece and our firm boundaries are set in place.
Much Love and Laughter, and the joy they both bring. Happy month ahead,
